Backstage Twelfth Night: Who Eats the Most Unhealthy Foods in Rehearsals?

Lunches, brunches, interviews by the pool…
…wrote Notorius B.I.G but the question on everybody’s lips, as so often is the case with performers, was “What are these lunches Biggie is eating and are they healthy?” No one knows, it’s a safe bet that they weren’t very healthy or at the very least were high in saturated fats. To stop people wondering what kind of lunches the Iris company were chomping down on during rehearsal I will endeavour to give you the scoop on the dishiest dishes we’ve all had for lunch.
It’s safe to say that we rehearsing just off of Brick Lane we all had our fair share of the bagels from the bagel shop. I was particularly fond of the sausage bagel with ketchup. The outer edge gave just enough resistance of a crunch while the centre of the bagel is soft and deliciously warm, mixed with the saucy sausages in the washing machine of my mouth to deliver a giant hit of dopamine telling me to buy three of them everyday for the first week. It seemed others in the cast like Nick went for a more salmon and cream cheese feel to their bagel.
We’re actors and we like to try and remain healthy after all our body is our instrument. I usually eat chicken breast with sweet potato for my lunch; low in carbohydrates, low in fat and high in dissatisfaction. Olivia, who is playing Olivia, has scrumptious salads for lunch with avocado, cucumber and salmon again, I’m seeing a trend with these actors, something fishy. In a time where we try and have healthy lunches and brunches to avoid a growing waistline there is no hope for the unhealthy treats. I mean Vik, our director, had the sheer audacity to bring in sugar free biscuits and I almost punched myself when I squealed with delight at the thought of sugar free biscuits. Yeah. My life is complete.
I’m supposed to be writing this blog about the most unhealthy lunches, possibly part of some sort of shaming programme, much similar to McCarthy’s red scare. But. I applaud those who flaunt their unhealthy lunches and snacks and believe they should be put on the pedestal they deserve. Tony, the hero, during a fifteen minute break ran outside to find the nearest chicken shop and treated himself to a fried thigh and some chips as “a snack” because “I missed breakfast”. The time; 11am. Tony I salute you and wish I had the courage you have. Henry let me in on an addiction of his yesterday. A chocolate addiction. It started in the kitchen when I saw he had three chocolate bars of three different brands. He went for the 3 for £1.20 deal. Legend. He told me that during his days at university he would buy two bags of Malteasers (I don’t like them myself) on the way home; eating one before bed and in the morning as he reached to turn off his alarm he would grab the second bag and munch it down for breakfast. Henry I don’t believe in the type of chocolate you eat but I will defend to the death your right to eat it a 7am. And I support any chocolate addiction unless it leads to crime, like selling your sisters shoes for chocolate and Haribo money, a dark time in Henry’s past which he is more than happy to discuss with you at the bar.
Let those who don’t give a toss to health live longer than the smug ones who eat their healthy trendy lunches. Let the fried chicken, chocolate ball, sugar packed biscuit eaters live long and prosper. Biggie wasn’t sitting by a pool eating nicoise salad with lemon water and sweet potato fries. He was eating artery stuffing, cholesterol raising fried food and it made him huge, not just literally but metaphorically as he became on of the best rappers of all time. I’m going to walk down the road right now and buy fried chicken and you all should too.
– Julian Moore-Cook
Julian Moore-Cook (2) copy
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